I don't know where this journal is headed, so just bear with me.
I just feel compelled to write. I've been meaning to do something on DA but whenever I go to make a journal I kinda shoot myself down and think "Oh it's not that important" and really it isn't but I feel like writing is more productive than staring into space, so here I am.
First off, school ended. I didn't do as good as I had hoped, but it was my freshman year or as some call it 'the mess up year'. Though I keep reminding myself 'It was just a grade' or 'You'll do better next year' I can't help but bully myself. I didn't even think about it when I was surrounded by my friends, but as soon as I got home and tried to relax these thoughts came into my head:
"You could have done so much better."
"You're going to fail and then what will your future be?"
"You are going nowhere in life because of this."
And so on...
Yeah I sound like a fun person.
On a different note, I've had ideas for shoots and such but I either procrastinate or forget about them telling myself that they're 'over done' or 'not creative enough'. So that's why I don't upload often. I may upload another journal later with my ideas and thoughts on them some other time.
Last thing, is me being a typical teenage girl. I feel like I don't deserve anyone or anything. My easy life, my friends, or the guy that kinda likes me as of the moment. But I'm working on getting over it by telling myself daily that me existing is proof enough that I should be here. "Worrying is just a misuse of the imagination", I don't know who said this quote all I know is that it's written on my wall from when my older sister had the room I'm in and that I'm going to use it to help myself. Hopefully I will get rid of some of my worries and use the little bit of imagination for something more productive.
Wow, alright I got that off my chest. Anyway I don't want this to end sadly so I'm going to list some good things:
- It's summer and I don't need to stress.
- I'm going to Warped Tour.
- I don't need to rush to do things.
- I can sleep in.
- I have plenty of time for photo shoots.
To quote Gerard Way, "
Stay beautiful, keep it ugly." Have an awesome summer guys.